You guys, Hard On for the Holidays really got away from me and I’m sorry about that. One of these days I’ll finish Holiday Bound and we’ll all be happy it’s behind us.

Until then, here’s Fabio as a pirate.

Hard On for the Holidays starts now! …It’s a thing I just made up where we all buy Christmas themed erotic novels for each other, or at least get one for yourself then read it.

I’m starting the erotic short, Ellora’s Cave Presents: Ellora’s Cave Quickies: Holiday Bound: White Hot Holidays by Jaci Burton. The only thing I know about it is that it has the worst cover I’ve seen so far. And based on the cover alone I assume pointsettias and fire play key roles in the story.

Domestic violence counselor Maria Perez is tired of being on the nice list. She wants to be naughty. When a letter to Santa falls into the hands of Detective Colin Maguire, the man who inspires her deepest, darkest fantasies, Colin sets out to make every one of Maria’s kinky Christmas wishes come true.

Proving once again that all domestic violence counselors secretly get their rocks off to other people’s tales of domestic woe.

Lust fueled kidnapping with a happy ending? You bet!

You know how ladies like it when you take away their ability to choose, then fall in love with you because you’re so good looking, all illegal wrong doings don’t matter? This book does and throws it at you in spades.

STORY

Rachael, a twenty something (her exact age is said I just don’t remember), is partying at a club and drinking drinks. When her roommate leaves with yet another guy she is left to fend for herself. It turns out Rachael is no good at defending herself because almost instantly she gets roofied and kidnapped to a deserted island.

Her kidnapper is Merrick Rocha, yes that Merrick Rocha, a thirty something CEO billionaire who video interviewed Rachael for her dream job a few days prior and she didn’t recognize him in the club, so what’s that about? She turned down the job because her dad died and she didn’t want to move far away from her mom. A nice gesture, but live your life, Rachel, too soon you’ll be pushing thirty and reviewing sex books on the internet. Take the job! 

Rachael wakes up tied to a bed in a strange place. Eventually she is told everything. She’s on Turtle Tear Island, Merrick needs to change her mind, they’re all alone, and there’s no way off. The island is home to a rundown hotel. A hotel she would help restore if she took the job. Merrick apologizes for KIDNAPPING HER and the courtship begins. Rachael wants to be with him but she doesn’t know if she can trust him …because he KIDNAPPED HER.

THOUGHTS

I have never called myself a feminist even though I’m pretty sure I am, Semper Fi! Having a lady overlook kidnapping for a very attractive man seems like a step in the wrong direction. But, these books are written by and for women, so who am I to say what they think is wrong and what they want? I’m no Mel Gibson. Also, at the end she gets a pretty good job. Is she making only making 70 cents to a man’s dollar? Only Merrick knows and he’s not telling.

If your’re into food based almost sex, this is for you. I don’t think they ever ate a full meal without it turning into fooling around, and one time Merrick punched a cake. 

All in all I’d say Taken is too long and not worth the time it took to read it. I didn’t hate it, but these books are not for me and this one was more not for me than Little Red Riding Crop. Having read a short and a long, I’d have to say somewhere near 100 pages is the sweet spot for erotic novels. 

For people that would like to continue the story with Rachael and Merrick there is a  sequel, No Take Backs. I don’t see myself reading it.

STATS 

Sex Scenes: 2 full on sex. 4 to 7 hand mouth stuff.

Number of Main Character’s Sexual Partners: 2

Book on Rachael’s nightstand (If I had to guess): Flannery O’Connor’s A Good Man is Hard to Find (And Other Stories)

Dance Numbers: 0

RATING

 (I’m being harsh)

Taken: A Novel on Amazon

Author Kelli Maine on Twitter

My Editor Dan Huffman on Twitter

Guys, I finally finished Taken: A Novel.

Remember when I said erotic shorts are for babies? 

“For my second erotical fictional undertaking I’m going to read a proper book. No more shorts! Erotic shorts are for babies.”

I was wrong! Erotic novels are for crazy people. I mean, it had an epilogue like it was a real book or something!

Anyway review should be up soonish.

xoxo